Why are people turning to blind dates in the era of online dating?
In the age of the dating app, it’s pretty normal to know a lot about a person before even setting eyes on them in the flesh. From how they spend their Sundays, to their top three favourite sitcoms, not to mention their height, age, place of birth, and potentially their religious and political views, it’s hard to maintain any element of mystery when you meet someone on an app that is designed to tell you as much about them as possible. And with the help of Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge’s “looking for” labels, you can also glean their relationship intentions and whether they want kids without having to ask a single question.
It’s no surprise then that people are pushing back on the information-overload that comes with modern dating by seeking out blind dates. It’s a nostalgic concept, and one that might seem scary if you’re in the habit of swiping, matching and meeting. But there’s certainly a cultural interest in it. You’re probably aware of the popular Netflix series Love Is Blind, which now has five seasons. The show sees singles dating each other “sight unseen,” getting to know potential partners from individual pods and proposing to one another with no idea what the other person looks like. There’s also the viral TikTok series the UpDating Show, which sees people go on dates blindfolded in front of an audience.
Dating app fatigue
Singles are actually going on blind dates out in the real world too. Exhausted and bored by the endless swiping, it’s no surprise that people are seeking out alternative options, particularly those that pose a simpler, more romantic approach to dating. “I was at a point where dating apps were proving useless so I thought I had nothing to lose,” says 25-year-old Lucy, who went on a blind date via a university society’s matchmaking service. “I filled in a form with some information about myself including what year I was in, what course I was on and some things about my interests and what I looked like. As part of the form I had to fill in bits about what I wanted in a prospective date like their hair colour, height and personality traits. All I knew about the person was that they were a male at my university,” she explains. Previously to signing up to this service, Lucy had been using apps, but found them to be disheartening and unsuccessful. “Dating apps can be exhausting and make you feel like you’ve failed in some way,” she says.
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Of course, Lucy isn’t the only person feeling cynical about dating apps.But s ingle people are actively reframing how they date to better protect their mental health, with 31 percent of people ‘slow-dating’ and prioritising quality over quantity, according to research which surveyed over 26,000 users of the dating app Bumble.
“Dating apps can be exhausting and make you feel like you’ve failed in some way.”
“I think people are more open to ideas about dating and the different ways we can do it,” says Dr. Caroline West, Bumble’s sex and relationships expert. “Before COVID, blind dates might have had a bit of a cheesy reputation and they had fallen out of fashion but lockdown gave people that opportunity to pause and reflect on what they want.”
“Before COVID, blind dates might have had a bit of a cheesy reputation and they had fallen out of fashion but lockdown gave people that opportunity to pause and reflect on what they want.”
Singles nights and professional matchmakers
Noticing that many of her peers were feeling disillusioned by dating apps and finding it difficult it to form genuine connections with people on them, 25-year-old Breagha Campbell set up a service called Soulmate Social, where she individually matches people to go on blind dates, then organises a social event they can go to after the date. “I think people are sick of dating apps and I think people are really lonely,” Campbell tells Mashable. “[Dating apps] can feel soulless, like you’re just a cog in a massive algorithm wheel that isn’t really going anywhere and I think what dating apps miss out on is that human touch to connect people.”
This is what Campbell’s service provides, as she individually reads through hundreds of forms filled out by singles hoping to find matches, detailing their interests, values and dating preferences. These forms, along with some social media stalking, allowed her to pair up 250 people during the first event she ran, all of whom went on a date on the same evening and were invited to a social in south London afterwards, where they could spend more time with their dates or mingle with others.
Matching-making services like Campbells might feel a little bit retro, but there are more and more of them popping up, such as Lucia’s Blind Dates. 30-year-old Jasmine, who shares her dating experiences via her TikTok page @jazinlondon, was set up via Lucia’s service, which involved a 90-minute phone call during which she shared lots of details about herself and what she wants in a partner. From there, Lucia arranged the whole thing, with no contact between Jaz and her date. She was simply provided with an address to a restaurant, where she was instructed to tell the staff that she has a table booked for Lucia, and met her date for the first time at the table. “It was very mysterious and had that energy of ‘come and find me — I’m the one in the red dress,'” says Jasmine. It’s certainly more romantic than going back and forth with a Hinge match for three weeks only to settle on a Tuesday night a month away thanks to your conflicting schedules, right?
“It was very mysterious and had that energy of ‘come and find me — I’m the one in the red dress.'”
Finding a match in the wild
One benefit of dating apps is that you know almost straight away whether you’re likely to have something in common with the person you’re going on a date with, which isn’t the case with blind dates. 30-year-old Anna, who is based in London, has been on a number of blind dates and attended singles’ dinners where she was meeting potential partners completely unseen and she explains that knowing nothing about them beforehand has pros and cons. “It probably made me a bit more awkward to start with as you literally have no foundation or small talk to start with. But in a weird way it gives you — and them — a clean slate so they have to impress you organically, rather than having to live up to an idea that you might have got off a dating app profile or from mutual friends,” she says.
“A truly blind date means that you have no assumptions about the person you’re dating, which can lead to a strong emotional connection,” says West. “As you’ve skipped the introductions, and are often set up by a mutual friend or family member, people go into the date looking for an emotional connection first, and a physical connection second, and for a lot of people, this helps them feel more at ease at going beyond what they might have considered themselves.”
Equally, it can be important that you have some things in common with the person you’re dating and it might be difficult to guarantee this through a blind date, so whether or not it works for you will probably depend on your priorities and preferences.
A break from soulless swiping
However, blind dating certainly offers a more refreshing approach to relationships, one that doesn’t involve swiping left-or-right based almost entirely on what a person looks like in one photo, which can feel shallow.
“With dating on dating apps, there’s a gamified element to it which makes it feel almost mindless,” Jasmine says. “For people who are trying to date more with purpose and date more mindfully, blind dating could be a good option, especially if you’re doing it through someone you trust.”
Dating apps also tend to encourage a “grass-is-greener” mindset. With so many options available to us quite literally at the touch of a finger, it’s no wonder a lot of people aren’t willing to commit, or doubt the potential of their partners. Blind dates are the antithesis to this, in which you’re presented with one person, usually who someone you know or trust thinks you will like. “My blind date offered some external perspective that stopped me from being extremely picky when it comes to choosing who to go on a date with,” Lucy says.
Blind dating in the digital age
No matter how great they sound on paper, it’s fair to say that a blind date is a daunting idea when we’re used to having so much information about potential partners through dating apps and social media. Plus, physical attractiveness is important for most people and you have to put a lot of trust in a friend or a matchmaker playing cupid to assume they’re going to find someone who is suited to you physically.
“I did explain to Lucia what my type is on paper in terms of physical attractiveness but I also did tell her that I was flexible to dating outside of that because my type on paper is kind of specific and I recognise that that’s not realistic,” Jasmine says, of her blind-dating experience. According to Bumble, 52 percent of people in the UK are now more open to who they’d consider dating beyond their usual ‘type’ and the good thing about agreeing to going on a blind date is that you can assume the person you’re meeting is as open-minded as you are.
So maybe it is worth giving a blind date a go, particularly if you’re burnt out by dating apps and the idea of sending another stranger a message asking how their weekend was sends a shiver down your spine. However awkward a blind date might be, it’s likely to provide a much-needed change from the monotony of apps, and it’s also an opportunity for you to live out your ’90s Sex And The City-esque dating dreams. Just remember to go into it without tons of expectations — you might be able to set plenty of dating preferences on Hinge, but figuring out and defining your deal breakers when there’s a human in front of you is a whole different ball game, and that probably isn’t a bad thing.
